Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World Reviews
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and the New Realities of Girl World
- ISBN13: 9780307454447
- Condition: New
- Notes: BRAND NEW FROM PUBLISHER! BUY WITH CONFIDENCE, Over one million books sold! 98% Positive feedback. Compare our books, prices and service to the competition. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed
When Rosalind Wiseman first published Queen Bees & Wannabes, she fundamentally changed the way adults look at girls’ friendships and conflicts–from how they choose their best friends, how they express their anger, their boundaries with boys, and their relationships with parents. Wiseman showed how girls of every background are profoundly influenced by their interactions with one another.
Now, Wiseman has revised and updated her groundbreaking book for a new generation of girls and explores:
•How girls’ experiences before adolescence impact their teen years, future relationships, and overall success
•The different roles girls play in and outside of cliques as Queen Bees, Targets, and Bystanders, and how this defin
List Price: $ 16.00
Price: $ 7.85
Former Target explains why this book is a MUST-READ,
Two paragraphs of disclosure will make my review more meaningful. I was a happy, well-adjusted 5th and 6th grader. New to my elementary school in the 5th grade, I quickly and easily found a best friend + nice group of friends. Then the following year in junior high, two “queen bees” came along and decided they wanted the same group of friends, best friend and all–without me in it. They invited the other girls to a sleepover party right in front of me, and suddenly I was friendless. Devastated, I came home that day sobbing, to parents who had no idea what to do except to send me to a psychiatrist, which did no good at all.
My “lunch tray moments” consisted of going from table to table, trying to sit down, and kids telling me I wasn’t welcome to sit with them, and then eating by myself in the detention room, the only place that would have me. My “gym class moments” consisted of being the girl left over when the last team captain chose the second-to-last girl, and then the other team captain declaring she never picked me and that I was not on her team. I adapted first making friends with the neighborhood dogs who all accepted me with love and dignity, and then by getting involved with out-of-school activities and making lots of friends outside of school. By 10th grade, I had friends at school again.
It is with this background that I read “Queen Bees and Wanna Bees”–the book I wish had been around in the 1970s when I suffered the trauma of being a target. I am appalled that these dynamics continue to this day, and that targets have it WORSE than I did. When I got home, the bullying stopped, and I was free to do my homework, not to be bullied until bright and early the next day. Now the bullying of targets is CONSTANT, via Facebook, email, text message, etc. Mothers and Dads, PLEASE take the plight of the targets seriously–it’s not just a bit of girl drama–it’s BRUTAL to experience.
I am relieved an adult finally took notice of these dynamics, understands them, and not only explains them to parents, she them what to do about it and how to PREVENT it. Wiseman advises parents to create a code of family behavior where family members treat people with dignity, outside the family as well as with. An example is the first chapter on technology, new to this revised edition. Parents are advised when they allow adolescents and teens to have email accounts, Facebook accounts, cell phones, etc. that they sign a family contract which explains they will not use these technologies to embarrass people, humiliate them, spread lies, disseminate naked- or half-naked photos, etc. And the contract specifies punishments for first, second, and third offenses. I think this entire chapter shows brilliance, and is worth the price of the book alone.
It’s not just the parents of the target who need this book, but the parents of the queen bee bullies and people users, and the bystanders who stand there silently, not taking a stand on behalf of the targets, and rewarding the queen bees with their allegiance and friendship. For example, there’s an example in the book of how to talk to your daughter after she paid a popular boy $5.00 to ask out a target and then dump her the next day. The hypothetical mom marches her daughter over to apologize to the target, and tells her daughter, “If you apologize with a fake or mean tone in your voice or the content of your words comes across as giving a fake apology, then I will apologize on your behalf. And since you did it at school, you are also going to apologize to your teacher and principal for going against the school’s rules of treating people with dignity.”
Another important concept of the book is to realize that girls within cliques deal with the straightjacket of conformity–hair, clothes, hobbies, behavior, etc, and often put up with verbal abuse from the queen bees. These girls internalize that it’s better to put up with abuse than be ostracized from the group. This sets the stage for them to become women who put up with abusive relationships rather than leave.
As much as I don’t like to deduct a star from this must-read book, the presentation is uneven. Parts of the book are totally brilliant, while other parts appear scant and hastily written. For example, Wiseman describes different types of parents. Some of these types just have a few sentences written about them and no concrete examples. Plus she misses a lot of types. Or there will be teasers, “If She Says `You Don’t Trust Me!’” but no follow up on how to handle this comment.
My main grievance with the book is that I think Wiseman is way too overpermissive in letting a girl wear whatever she wants. I can understand Wiseman’s arguments for letting a girl wear green hair, or be Goth if she wants to be. But going out of the house looking too sexy at too young an age? Wiseman says to discuss it with her, but then let her do what…
Read more
Was this review helpful to you?
|Best parenting book for today’s tweens and teens I’ve ever read,
As a recently retired middle school and Jr Hi educator with a masters degree plus and a grandmother of 2 girls, 12 and 7, I devoured this book and sent it on to my son (the father of the girls) and sister who has an 11 year old. This book tackles the technology issues that coexist with just “growing up” from a knowledgable and uncomplicated references to the damage that cell phones and computer websites can have on young women and girls. I wish I had had access to this in the early 2000′s so I could have been more helpful for the students I worked with. Not only does this author bring to life these issues, but she gives many ways to help girls get through this in a more ego friendly, less damaging way. The book cannot just be read by parents as an easy read for themselves, but needs to be read with the child and teach them the techniques that author has provided to help girls “walk away from” gossip and mean peers with a sense of pride, success and understanding of her place in her social world.
Was this review helpful to you?
|If you have a daughter, get this book!,
I started reading this book and my only thought was, “holy crap, this kind of stuff cannot really be happening in middle school!” But I sat down my 14-year-old daughter, and sure enough, this book is right on. Which is scary. If you thought middle school was bad before, you can’t believe it now.
This book is rather terrifying. But unlike a lot of parenting books (especially those that are more like studies of all the things that are going wrong with kids nowadays), this book has tons of practical help. There are great ideas to help your daughter navigate the shark-infested waters of teenager-hood. (I wish I’d had this book a few years ago when we were enduring a particularly nasty fifth grade year.)
This book will definitely help me to help my three daughters survive and thrive during their pre-teen and teenage years. I have recommended it to everyone I know with daughters. If you buy one book this year, make it this one!
Was this review helpful to you?
|